I continue to do Roast Battle UK where the audiences seem to mainly appreciate my bullshit.

Here is my battle against Joseph Murphy:

Sorry I was rocking so much in this, it’s neurological.

I did the Ding Dong Gong show yesterday, and after a weak start (I’m ditching my Zodiac Killer opener, as Ivor Dembina told me I should weeks ago but I arrogantly ignored his advice), I briefly killed before the audience turned on me again and gonged me off after 3 minutes. One of them was a very drunk older lady who seemed to fall asleep while I was doing well, then woke up and voted to gong me off, which really threw me, but them’s the breaks with a gong show.

At least a few of the audience came up to me afterwards and said they liked my act. A woman said that she found the lack of sexism in my set refreshing, so maybe it’s a blessing that I didn’t get to finish the set.

Killing Hitler

Since stand-up comedy isn’t working out, I’m branching out into Twitch streaming. I’ve really enjoyed the Sniper Elite 5 videogame. It turns out that there’s a downloadable bonus level where you get to kill Hitler, and it also turns out that nowadays you can produce a pretty good stream just from a console.

So my new project is to play that level on the hardest Authentic difficulty mode - which is almost impossible as there’s no radar or indicator of where the enemies are; you don’t even get to see how much health or ammo you have left in the main screen - over and over until I’ve killed Hitler in as historically accurate a manner as possible. I mean, I can’t actually be Hitler and commit suicide, at least until someone makes a mod to let you ‘be’ Hitler.

Please follow me at https://www.twitch.tv/dr1pgrind and subscribe to be notified when I’m playing. I try to maintain a funny and educational commentary at all times.

This is a real thing I’m going to be doing on a regular basis, until I get tired of it.

Here’s a clip of the above moment where I do successfully kill Hitler, but I don’t escape alive to get a book deal and bang a load of groupies, so it doesn’t count. Sorry about the weird ending of the clip, Twitch’s content creation tools are pretty bad, or at least designed for Gen Z’s hamster brains.

Gig dates

I know you probably skim these (at best), but look at the bottom for some exciting news, and then I’ll see you in the Recommendations section.

Tuesday July 5th 8pm - Lolipops, Southwark

Room above a nice pub that serves decent food. Make sure you get the right White Hart, there is another one nearby.

The White Hart, 22 Great Suffolk Street, London SE1 0UG

Thursday July 7th 8pm - Colindale Comedy

Come watch me try to engage a rowdy pub crowd who aren’t listening. And most likely fail.

Chandos Arms, 31 Colindale Ave, London NW9 5DS

Tuesday July 12th 7:30pm - Rats, Islington

Billed as London’s meanest open mic night, featuring “the worst of the worst of London’s comedy circuit”. Seems like my kind of gig. They have a podcast which I should probably have listened to before agreeing to do the spot.

Day & Night Bar, 58 Penton St, London N1 9PZ

Wednesday July 13th 8pm - JEST Another Comedy Club, St Albans

A rare trip outside London.

https://www.facebook.com/JEST-Another-Comedy-Club-695945047406944

The Crown pub, 144-146 Hatfield Rd, St Albans AL1 4JA

Sunday July 17th 3:30pm - G&B Cabaret Afternoon, Kings Cross

By popular demand, I will be dressed as a dog and performing stand-up from a dog’s perspective. Now with moving ears!

Star of Kings, 126 York Way, London N1 0AX

Tuesday July 18th 6:30pm - Lolipops, Southwark

Same as the 5th July, but this time I’m doing the early show.

The White Hart, 22 Great Suffolk Street, London SE1 0UG

Monday July 25th 7pm - Angel Comedy RAW

This is a big deal for me, so if you haven’t seen me for a while, please come and support me at this one.

The Camden Head, 2 Camden Walk, London N1 8DY

Tuesday August 2nd 7pm - Gap Tooth, Pimlico

https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/comedy/gap-tooth-comedy-pimlico

Constitution pub, 42 Churton St, London SW1V 2LP

Wednesday August 17th and Monday August 22nd 10:30pm - Roast Battle EDINBURGH

How cool is this?

Laughing Horse @ The Free Sisters, Edinburgh, SCOTLAND

Recommendations

• We Own This Town is a new series by David Simon who made The Wire (still the best TV show ever IMO). And it’s not about jazz or something like his recent stuff, it’s about cops! It’s very good (Sky/NOW TV).

• Anti-recommended: this weird joke policing article - the gist is that fat jokes are OK, but only if the writer approves of them, and we all have to Do Better.

• There’s an Instagram for my inexplicably popular dog act: @roverisagoodboy