So it’s been a weird fucking week. My current employment was officially terminated on Thursday. HR deactivated my keycard before they got round to telling me, so I was locked out of the office with a load of my personal possessions in there, and had to plead my way back in.

And this is just due to ‘redundancy’ (that is, the company was incompetently hiring too many people), not even related to something I said on stage or posted here.

In terms of stand-up, I’ve had a great week.

By sheer luck I got a spot at Comedy In Your Eye in Camden. It’s a high-concept show where a giant God-like eye watches you and turns red if you mention any of a secret list of forbidden topics (I’m not sure if the topics are selected because they are too hack or too edgy or both).

Below is my full set. For context, it helps to know that the opening act Khalid Raheem (who was very funny) had angered the eye by talking about Bill Cosby’s crimes, and there had been multiple references through the night to R Kelly.

Don’t think too much about the maths of that closing bit.

Gig dates

TONIGHT Saturday 29 January 9:15pm - Comedians Comedy Club, Covent Garden

Excited to be doing 10 MINUTES on a Saturday. I got this gig by the same method I got Comedy In Your Eye - somebody dropped out and I happened to be browsing the right Facebook group while I should have been writing something.

The only listing I can find for this says that it’s sold out but also that it starts at 8pm:

https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/London/Downstairs-At-Cafe-Mode/Comedians-Comedy-Club---THE-SATURDAY-SHOW/35945804/venue.html

Probably a bit late notice for you, anyway huh? If you’re desperate to see this for some reason I’m pretty sure I can get you in.

Downstairs At Cafe Mode, 59 Endell Street, London WC2H 9AJ

Monday 31 January 7:30pm - Pegasus Comedy, Kentish Town

Free! I might do my dog act or some other crazy high concept thing.

Rose & Crown, 71-73 Torriano Ave, London NW5 2SG

Tuesday 1 February - Southwark area

Possible gig TBC

Friday 4 February 7:45pm - Cuddles for Troubles, London Bridge/Borough

Reserve a seat at https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cuddles-for-troubles-free-comedy-night-tickets-239146833617

The Trinity, 202-206 Borough High Street, London SE1 1JX

Sunday 6 February 3:30pm - Growing Old Disgracefully, G&B, King's Cross

When I booked this I didn’t know it was a special gig for acts over 40 who have started doing comedy too late to ever make it. :(

https://www.facebook.com/events/290964086340846

The Star of Kings, 126 York Way, London N1 0AX

Monday February 14th 7:30pm - Ivor Dembina Valentine's Night Comedy Drop-in Show, Kentish Town

I need one other person to confirm they’re coming to this (you can just reply to this email and it will get to me).

There are limited tickets available so please buy them now from:

https://dice.fm/event/eqgkd-valentines-night-comedy-drop-in-show-14th-feb-aces-eights-saloon-bar-london-tickets

Aces & Eights Saloon Bar, 156-158 Fortess Rd, London NW5 2HP

Friday February 18th 8pm (doors 7:30) - T-Bird Bar, Finsbury Park

I’m pretty sure that’s not the preferred terminology any more. Free entry.

T-Bird, 132 Blackstock Road, Finsbury Park, London N4 2DX

Bonus content

I’m trying to find a new job. As a test, a potential employer asked me to write step-by-step instructions for using a technology of my choice. So I sent them this: Getting Started With The DeLorean DMC-12X Time Machine. I don’t think that’s particularly funny or original writing (it’s been done better without any IP infringement) but maybe it will distract you from thinking about the inevitable onrushing void of death for a couple of minutes.

I’ve finally finished writing that article about Boris and comedy: Boris Johnson, reconsidered as a hack comic (full text is for paid newsletter subscribers only, but you can read half of it before you hit the paywall; plus you can get a 14 day trial and then just cancel). I was worried he’d resign before I was done, but of course he hasn’t.

Also for paid subscribers only: Anne Much on After This Terrible Murder, All Men Need To Take A Stand Against Misogyny By Being Nicer To Me.

By the way, I originally set the pricing for monthly subscriptions at £5, but since most paid content things are $5 a month, not £5, I realised that’s probably too high. From now on subscription is just £3.50 a month or £32 annually (which saves you £10 - can you really afford not to save £10??).

Recommendations

I really liked the first series of Ozark (Netflix) and then forgot to watch the second series. Now there’s a third series and I’m catching up on series 2. It’s still great so far. I like how they create a fairly realistic and grounded scenario where everyone is making incredibly high stakes decisions and having menacing conversations with each other, and it doesn’t feel contrived or as if people are doing stupid things just to advance the plot. And the story just keeps moving forward relentlessly: no filler episodes and no ‘3 months earlier’ flashbacks (they flash back to like a day earlier at one point, but that is fine).

I haven’t seen the new Scream reboot, but Scream 4 is on Netflix and I hadn’t seen it. It’s enjoyable if you like the ‘meta’ sensibility of the franchise.

If you like live comedy at all then go and check out Comedy In Your Eye at the Camden Eye on Wednesday nights, even if I’m not on. It’s free if you’re someone’s bringer, £2 if you’re not. I can’t imagine it will have to be a bringer for much longer - it seems like they’re actually selling tickets and building an audience who aren’t just there as a favour to some idiot like me.

Good night.