The marketing so far hasn’t really emphasised the amazing line up of acts, none of whom have enough social media presence to actually shift tickets, it seems, but some of whom are very funny. I’m not going to list their names right now cos I’m typing this on my phone in an Uber, but you can look at their names here after you buy your tickets:

https://dice.fm/event/bba8gm-boo-its-halloween-peter-bazely-and-the-ghouls-31st-oct-the-bill-murray-london-tickets

I also recommend the documentary Tickled (2016) which is about a mysterious tickling league where young stupid jocks are encouraged to tickle each other on film for money. Is it a legitimate sport or the work of a huge pervert? What do you think?

Once you’ve seen that, the short sequel is even more amazing:

Also check out Dandandan on Netflix which is some insane anime thing.

But most importantly, I recommend coming to BOO It’s Halloween, 9:45 at the Bill Murray pub in Islington, on fucking Halloween obviously. I’m on my way to do another practice gig dressed as a dog right now, I’m busting my ass out here trying to hone my art into something worth paying £9.50 (as part of an amazing lineup) for and if you don’t come I’ll be furious, quite frankly.

This is going to be an amazing show. I will be on the line-up, as the dog comedian Rover. Recently-nominated comedian Peter Bazely will be in charge and recently-diagnosed comedian Mr Spooky will be in his element, cos it’ll be Halloween. It’ll literally be the night of Halloween, when the boundaries between worlds fray and tear and the dead walk the Earth! Anything could happen! If you come in fancy dress you could win a prize!

That’s BOO It’s Halloween on Thursday 31st October at 9:45pm at the Bill Murray, 39 Queens Head Street, London, N1 8NQ.

Buy your ticket now here before they sell out. There’s an extensive multimedia ad campaign behind this show, so it will sell out or I will die trying.

There’s no easy way to say this, but I have some bad news. I have booked a load of gigs in October and I want you to come to some or all of them.

After that I will tell you about a dream I had.

• Instant Laughs Bring Your Own Booze Comedy - 8pm (doors 7pm) TOMORROW Weds 2 October at Arthur’s Café, 170 Arthur Rd, London SW19 8AQ

  A fun format where the acts get interrupted and forced to do improv based on audience suggestions in the middle of their set; MC Dave Wilder, Josh Faulkner is also on and he’s funny, I’ll probably be a dog - tickets here, BYOB [corkage £5].

  

• Compulsive Comedy - 7:30pm Mon 7 October at The Carlton Tavern, 33 Carlton Vale, London NW6 5EU

  BRINGER gig so I need someone to come with me or I can’t perform - drinks are on me if you’re up for it, let me know.

• LOLipops late show - 8pm Tue 8 October at the White Hart, 22 Suffolk Street, London SE1 0UG

  There are two White Harts in Southwark so don’t fuck it up and go to the wrong one.

• Shtick Comedy Club - 7:30pm Weds 9 October at The Rose & Crown, 71-73 Torriano Ave, London, NW5 2SG
  Another fucking BRINGER so please come. You don’t need a ticket if you’re my bringer but if you want to bring a friend you can buy a £5 ticket with a free drink worth more than £5 here.

• Full Frontal Comedy - 7:45 Mon 21 October at The Watermans Arms, Brocas St, ETON, SL4 6BW

  See, it’s not all London gigs, sometimes I travel around to entertain and delight people living in poorer areas that have been left behind by Rishi Sunak’s economic revolution.

Please let me know if you want to come to one of the bringer gigs. I’ll be doing them as a dog character so it will be all new material to you, unless you’ve seen me as a dog before in which case I will try to add some new stuff just for you, or I can be human if you prefer. People tend to prefer the dog.

Bonus opportunities

I have a spare ticket to see a promising young queer neurodiverse Indigenous act called Rob Moriarty this Thursday 3 October at 9:45pm at the Bill Murray. Let me know if you want to come and see him with me; he’s very funny and I strongly recommend his podcast.

Also don’t forget I can get you into a book launch on Friday night with an open bar, as long as I can trust you not to do anything mental.

Before we get into the dream, please subscribe to get this newsletter by email for free, as I’m sick of having to share it to Facebook and Instagram:

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My dream

I was in Edinburgh, just walking around killing time. But then I realised that I had returned to London days ago. Why was I back in Edinburgh? Had I forgotten something important that had happened?

I reached for my phone to look at my calendar and figure out what was going on. But my phone wasn’t in my pocket! Instead there was a tiny kind of a flip phone, with an amber screen. I had a bunch of incoming messages from usernames I didn’t know like jeremiah4974, messages that made no sense to me.

My wallet was different too. Who was I?

I went to a shop window that had a display of mirrors. My reflection showed I was a middle aged Chinese man who looked a bit like me. Perhaps Eurasian, but with the Chinese style beard - I don’t think it’s OK to say “Fu Manchu” nowadays, but you know the kind I mean.

Except that some of the mirrors were angled so that I could see the reflection of my reflection, and in those I was still regular octoroon me. On a monitor in the corner, I could see the output of a security camera, in which I looked like me too.

I considered my situation. Obviously (to my dreaming mind) I was either trapped in a virtual reality simulation or having some kind of stroke. For some reason, the true explanation that this was all a dream was not available to me at this point.

I found a bunch of comedians in a café and asked them if they knew what was going on. One of them (reminiscent of, but distinct from, a comedian I know) started giving me a long rambling explanation of how difficult it is to know if you’re in a time pool(?).

I couldn’t really follow what he was saying. Soon I realised that he and his explanation were also just a part of this nonsense reality. I started to become alarmed that maybe I was in a coma, or having a schizophrenic episode. I had to get out! How could I pull myself out?

Then I woke myself up by literally lifting my head off the pillow.

That is a real dream I had. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to read too much into these things.

The promoter has given me a code that should get you free tickets, when you would normally pay up to £11. It’s a great line-up featuring pro acts like Mike Capozzola, Karismaa, Prince Adbi and Robbie Cousins. I will also be there and I’m even on the poster now, look:

To get free tickets, click here and use the code SMIRKFRIEND101

Remember the show starts 8pm on Tuesday 24 September at Belushi’s, 161 Borough High St, London SE1 1HR

Free booze

If you come to the Central Smirk gig I will buy you one drink. But if you need more free alcohol than that, I have a publisher friend who is doing a book launch at 7pm on Friday 4 October in the Tower Bridge area. There are some spots available on the guest list and there will be a free bar if you get there on time - if I know you and I think you can handle free alcohol at a classy literary event, contact me and I’ll get you on the list.

That is all.

Luckily none of these shows are bringers, so I am going to be doing them whether you like it or not:

Central Smirk Presents Comedy At The Dugout - 6:30pm doors, show starts 8pm - Tuesday 24 September at Belushi’s, 161 Borough High St, London SE1 1HR (UPDATE: get free tickets with code SMIRKFRIEND101 at https://www.ticketsource.co.uk/central-smirk/t-qjpjpoj)

T-Bird GREAT COMEDY MEET-UP (as Rover the dog) - 7:30pm doors, show starts 8:30pm - Friday 27th September at T-Bird, 132 Blackstock Road, Finsbury Park, London N4 2DX (you don’t need to book tickets, last time I tried to do this it was cancelled due to zero audience, so please come - we can go to watch Roast Battle at the Bill Murray afterwards and then I will get you into an exclusive private member’s club nearby)

Support for Jacob Hatton - 7:30pm, Monday 30th September at the Rose & Crown, 71-73 Torriano Ave, London NW5 2SG (I am a support act for Jacob’s work in progress show that I can’t find the name of now because it’s lost in some Facebook group or other, but I’m sure it’ll be good and it’s a really nice pub too)

More stuff to come in November, but that’s enough for now.

PS: I have a spare ticket for Alfie Brown in Cambridge tomorrow at 7:30pm; let me know if you want to come see him with me

Towards the end, it started to feel like I must have had a stroke and everything that was happening was my dying hallucination.

Here are my Edinburgh highlights:

1. I did 10 improv shows where I played Dungeons and Dragons with children, pretending to be a dwarven wizard. At the end of one show, one of the children got me executed by the King (he held a grudge just because I sent him into danger while I hid behind a rock), and then the other child got that child executed for killing me. That’s some Reservoir Dogs shit.

   

2. I took over Toby Shure: Love Ireland, a very problematic show where an English comedian (ISH award nominated comedian for Best Newcomer Peter Bazely, who obviously should have been ISH award winning comedian for Best Newcomer but it’s all fucking rigged, isn’t it, it’s all about who you know and who’s turn it is, and to be honest Bobby Davro couldn’t even read the cards so how do we know he read out the right name) pretends to be Irish.

   

   I have very little idea what the show was originally supposed to be, but when I took it over it was just a compilation show where a bunch of acts do 5 minutes of standup. After a long conversation with Ed Mulvey on the walk home, we devised a format where a bunch of acts do 5 minutes of standup, but some of the acts do a fake accent and the audience has to vote on who’s faking. And that was pretty good. Highlights included: Kat Powell (a newer Scottish act) absolutely nailing an Irish accent, fooling even the Irish people in the audience; she brought her bag with her so I said “I grew up in Birmingham so an unattended backpack and an Irish accent makes me nervous”; Sahar Ali pulling off an English accent and amazing the audience when it turned out she was Irish (hope I spelled your name right Sahar, but it’s hard to get these crazy Irish names right); Londoner Bilal Rashid fooling the audience with an accent he described as ‘call centre’ (his words not mine). Shout out to all the other heroes/heroines who did their whole set in a a different accent.
   It’s the first time I’ve booked and MC’ed a show, as well as organising the anti-anti-Irish counterprotestors who were supposed to picket the show. I learned a lot. It was a good show 3 times out of 5 that I did it, and I hope we can carry on doing it in London.

3. I did Hate N Live again for the first time since 2022, and, while I was the worst on the line-up, I don’t think I was shit.

4. I was privileged to get this year’s exclusive white-background Prince Andrew Tate Appreciation Hour T-shirt. As a thank-you, in the last show of the run, I called Mark O’Keefe retarded in a 2 minute set that was almost certainly in breach of Scottish hate speech legislation.

5. On my last night in Edinburgh, I ended up at the lock-in afterparty for a show called ‘Ask a Stripper’. A man set his dick on fire. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened, but I was scared to get too close.

6. I accidentally befriended the children of two high-profile comedians on the train home. I don’t want to go into too much detail about this, because I think I also accidentally offended one of the comedians at the ISH awards party and it’s going to seem like I’m stalking him now. Anyway, their kids are charming and hilarious and now I get why they wanted four of them: they’re breeding an improv troupe. They were mostly boys, but they had long hair, so it was confusing.

Bonus content

My short story didn’t win the $500, but it did win a $20 runner-up prize, which is frankly a drop in the ocean compared to the massive cost of going to the Fringe.

I’ll be in Edinburgh from tomorrow (Monday 12th) to the end of the Fringe.

Do with this information what you will.

If you’re a stand-up and I haven’t yet alienated you by making an ill-judged remark about neurological problems (I meant the fake ones like ADHD and bisexuality, not what you have), and you have a spot you think I could do, please get in touch (you can just reply to this email).

If you’re a fan of me - like maybe you’re one of the nice lads who saw me do the Stand Glasgow a couple of years ago and then came to the Fringe last year and saw me by complete chance and remembered my stuff and we chatted afterwards (I hope I actually managed to sign you up to this list, you were staying up all night to avoid paying insane Edinburgh hotel prices and I think you were all pretty fucked on vodka and Red Bull, so odds are you didn’t manage to type in your email addresses, but I hope you’re reading this) - please consider coming to one of the below gigs and stay tuned for more.

Here are some gigs featuring me that I anticipate are going to be happening to the best of my knowledge, information correct at time of going to press, no backsies:

Monday 12th August (TOMORROW)

Heckling Masterclass, with Diploma - 21:45 at Bar 50 (The Alcove), 50 Blackfriars St, EH1 1NE

Ben Clover teaches the audience how to heckle constructively and then I do my act and they heckle me. I think. (tickets here)

Wrong Comedy - 23:00 at Globe Bar (Arch 1), Niddry Street, EH1 1LG

This is supposed to be a dark comedy show so my intention is to go in hard and not be asked back. (here’s a link but I’m not sure you can actually buy tickets in advance, just show up).

Tuesday 13th August (also 15th-17th, 19th-20th, 22nd-24th)

Adventures! Journey Through Dungeons with Dragons - 13:30 at The Three Sisters (Maggie’s Front Room), 139 Cowgate, EH1 1JS

A children’s show where we play a very simplified form of Dungeons & Dragons. If you don’t know what Dungeons & Dragons is, it’s like a videogame powered by the most amazing computer of all: a child’s soul. This is a great show because the things the little angels come out with are cray cray. Strongly recommended. You don’t need to bring a child to attend. (tickets here)

Wednesday 14th August

#1 All-Time Best Comedy Champion: War of the Flags - 19:00 at Kick Ass Cowgate (Fringe Room), 37-39 Cowgate, EH1 1JR

It’s some kind of international battle royale concept, except the country I’m representing is Generation X. I think. (tickets here)

The Prince Andrew Tate Appreciation Hour - 23:00 at Bar 50 (The Alcove)

You only need to see the poster for this show to know whether or not it’s for you; it probably is if you’re on this list. (tickets here)

Friday 16th August

1k Comedy Presents: Toby Shure and Friends – Love Ireland! - 19:30 at The Three Sisters (The Wee Room)

I will be aiding and abetting Peter Bazeley in his act of colonial violence and cultural erasure, by doing my act where I dress up as a dog and do stand-up from the point of view of a dog. Yes, Rover is back, motherfuckers! (tickets here)

Sunday 18th August

Absolute Chaos Heckle Show - 23:30 at 32 Below (Little Cellar), 32b W Nicolson St, EH8 9DD

Fuck knows why I signed up to do this. (tickets here)

That’s it so far but I’ll keep you updated.

Bonus content

I wrote a short story without using the letter ‘i’ at all for a competition:

The Ego Death of Agent Thea Claudette

It’s only short, so check it out. Writing a piece that doesn’t contain a particular letter (a lipogram) isn’t easy. Georges Perec wrote a whole novel without the letter ‘e’ called La Disparition, but obviously he wrote it in French, which is cheating. The great and very underappreciated English writer Gilbert Adair translated it into English as A Void which I recommend.

I hope my story will win the $500 first prize so I can put that towards the insane cost of going to Edinburgh.

You can see me struggle to remember how at:

Rats Comedy - Tuesday 23rd July (TOMORROW) 7pm at Barrio Soho, 6 Poland St, W1F 8PS

This is a special ticket link that will get you in for £3 if you buy a ticket before 4pm TODAY. Otherwise it’s only £8.

It’s a truly demented show where they call out hack comedy with sound effects, well worth seeing IMO.

I’ll be doing new material and probably resorting to crowdwork. I get extra stage time if I bring people, so the more of you who come to see me, the longer you can watch me suffer.

I’ll email you soon about when/where you can see me in Edinburgh in the second half of August. I’ll be part of a kid's show nearly every day I’m there, so bring whatever kids you can get your hands on.

Recommendations

You should check out:

Douglas is Cancelled on ITVx by Stephen Moffatt. It’s about a TV news presenter who gets in trouble for a joke. Haven’t watched the whole series yet but it’s a healthy sign that something like this can get made without triggering the weird ‘cancel culture doesn’t exist’ defence reflex.

Basic Lee (Stewart Lee’s latest show) is streaming on NowTV.

Collaborator by Daniel Kitson at The Albany Deptford.

I wrote this for a flash fiction contest run by ‘Weird Christmas’. Didn’t win anything but I thought it would make for a good YouTube video. Please like/subscribe/show it to children.

I haven’t done as much stand-up as usual lately as I had man flu/bat flu/Batman flu. I did manage to go and do the Stand venues up North (which I think went well), and I MCed a charity gig raising money for a man who has brain cancer and needs treatments that won’t be available on the NHS until it’s too late.

Your next chance to see me is:

28 December - Peter Bazely is Fat After Xmas at Camden Comedy Club (tickets here)

I did this last year and it was a good line-up.

Also a reminder that I am on at these upcoming gigs:

Instant Laughs Heckler Night - Wednesday 25th October, 8pm, Wimbledon - tickets

Inamo - Sunday 29th October, Covent Garden - CANCELLED

Derby Comedy Club - 20th November

The Stand Edinburgh/Glasgow/Newcastle - 11th-13th December

Stupid video

Sadiq Kahn intervenes in the Middle East:

Cultural commentary

The new series of Rick and Morty started last week with soundalike actors following the removal of Justin Roiland, who it now turns out actually assaulted people.

The first episode wasn’t very good, and focused on Mr Poopy Butthole and a bunch of disposable side characters. You’d think it was designed to take the focus off Rick and Morty, but I’m pretty sure it would have been written before they replaced Roiland - ironically the new voice actor for Mr PB (also formerly voiced by Justin Roiland) was way more jarring than the replacements for the titular characters.

The second episode was a banger, though - like many of the best later season episodes it’s pure Harmon high concept trope deconstruction, so packed with jokes and twists that you’d need to watch it a few times to catch everything, but with a bit of the anarchy and brutality from the earlier seasons before Roiland apparently fell out with everyone and started phoning it in. I hope they can keep the show going as I prefer it to Harmon’s Krapopolis and that twee Strange Planet thing.

I’m excited to be on the line up for Lewis Schaffer’s Nunhead American Comedy Nights tonight! About four years ago I saw Lewis at a Resonance FM benefit gig - I thought he was really funny and I liked how he stood at the exit and shook everyone’s hand on the way out. Then I went to his open mic night, not really understanding that it is more of a comedy workshop than a gig like I’d seen before, and I decided I’d try to actually do standup at the next one. And now, just four short years and a global pandemic later, I’m doing a show with him.

Get your tickets from Eventbrite here

More upcoming dates

Poodle Club - Saturday 14th October, 8pm (doors 7pm), Sydenham - get tickets here

Crack Comedy - Tuesday 17th October, 7:30pm, Brixton - get tickets here

Camden Cabaret - Saturday 21st October, 5:30pm (early show), All About Eve in Camden

Crack Comedy - Sunday 22nd October, 7:30pm, Kingston - tickets

Instant Laughs Heckler Night - Wednesday 25th October, 8pm, Wimbledon - tickets

Inamo - Sunday 29th October, Covent Garden - SOLD OUT

Derby Comedy Club - 20th November

The Stand Edinburgh/Glasgow/Newcastle - 11th-13th December

Bonus content

There’s a Roast Battle League podcast where they analyse the international Roast Battle league like it’s a real sport. My battle vs Ed Mulvey is featured in the latest episode. Roast Battle London is apparently leading the non-US world at roasting. I’m not sure how they work that out, but it’s nice that there’s one thing we’re not completely shit at.

Sorry it’s been so long since I dropped you a line! I’ve been doing a lot of research chemicals lately and I forgot how to write for a month. Mum told me you’d had another prolapse, I hope it wasn’t too hard to get it all back in this time.

Doing the Edinburgh fringe was good. Too late to do a proper recap post, and honestly who gives a shit anyway, but I did a lot of spots, drunkenly MC’d a show that I shouldn’t have been on, went on a talk show to promote my show (I didn’t have a show), made a racist faux pas, tried to bluff my way into a fancy bar by passing off Peter Bazeley as Viggo Venn… basically just alienated people and damaged their careers and my liver. Good times.

I have some upcoming gigs that you might like to attend, and one upcoming contest that I would like you to attend. Plus for those of a Northerly persuasion, I’m back at the Stand Edinburgh/Glasgow/Newcastle - see below.

London gig dates

Big Smoke Comedy - Thursday 28th September, 8pm at Box Park Croydon

Standup and then some improv at the end. I would have been scared to do improv a year ago but I have done enough panel show/game show formats now that it should be OK.

New Comedian of The Year heat - Sunday 1 October, 7.30pm at the Museum of Comedy

Please let me know if you can come to this - I have two free tickets and I need to confirm who’s coming on the Saturday before. There is an audience vote element so it would be nice to have your support!

Backyard Comedy Knockout - Tuesday 3 October, 8pm at Backyard in Bethnal Green

Come and see this if you like, but bear in mind I could get knocked out in the first round after doing 2 minutes of comedy.

Instant Laughs - Thursday 11 October, 8pm (doors 7pm) at Arthur’s Cafe in Wimbledon

A night where you are encouraged to bring your own booze and heckle the acts. What could go wrong? Actually I have done it before and it was great. Get there early and try the food. Tickets here.

Poodle Club - Saturday 14th October, 8pm (doors 7pm), Sydenham

This is a nice progressive comedy club, so I’m not sure why they’ve given me a 10 spot. Tickets here - lol at the headshot they’re using.

Attention Northerners/Scotspeople

I’m going to be doing Red Raw at the Stand venues again 11-13th December: Edinburgh on the Monday, Glasgow Tuesday, Newcastle Wednesday. Had a blast doing this last time!

Recommended things

• I improved Russell Brand’s damage limitation video with some AI trickery:

• I entered some contest where you have to write a rhyming poem about introducing an alien to Earth: here is Sonnet X51. Like and comment on that site if you can be bothered, as it might help me win $600 - nobody can write rhyming poems that aren’t complete doggerel any more, so I think I’m in with a shot; I don’t want to end up having written a sonnet for no money, that would be pretty gay.

• Dan Harmon has a new animated show called Krapopolis that isn’t available legally in the UK yet. The first episode was pretty funny.

• Article about a 15th century bard’s ‘stand-up’ routine - his material doesn’t really hold up

• Simon Rich on AI writing jokes

But maybe you would be interested to know how my Fringe is going? It’s been great so far. Thanks for asking.

I got to play simplified Dungeons & Dragons with kids five times as part of Donal Vaughan’s Adventures show. It’s over now so you can’t see it, but here’s what it looked like:

I’ve done incest-tinged family argument improv with Thenjiwe (which meant I had to say “step-” a lot); I told the audience that I had a lot of experience with this kind of roleplay but it felt weird to do it in front of a crowd); I’ve done guest spots on shows with proper comedians like Peter Bazely; I’ve bombed horribly in front of a New Town audience who just stared at me and didn’t laugh once; I dusted off my animatronic dog ears to portray a dog from a Steven King novel that nobody remembers; I walked a famous TikToker from one show and performed in front of a famous musician that the venue staff were excited was there but the acts were too Gen X to recognise; I’ve accidentally drunkenly MCed on a couple of shows and nearly derailed a couple of careers as a result.

If you’re one of the three people reading this who is in Edinburgh, I’ve updated my list of Edinburgh gigs below. After that I’ll list my recommended Edinburgh shows and some media recommendations too.

Updated gig list

I’ve put the names of shows that weren’t in the previous update in italics. I’ve also realised I should put the show times to save you some hassle.

Adam Greene and Peter Bazely: Bi and Large – Bier and Larger - TODAY 22nd August, 2:30pm

I’m doing a guest spot on this show with Roast Battle regulars Adam Greene (who grows ever more aggressively bisexual with each passing year) and Peter Bazeley (who is apparently still growing). Strongly recommended.

What Would You Do If That Was You? - TODAY 22nd August, 9pm

I did this on the 16th and it’s a great show where you have to answer weird moral dillemas like ‘if ET gave you the ability to lactate, and needed human milk to live, would you suckle him’?

1001 Normal Dysfunctional Families - 23rd August, 4pm

Family-based roleplay improv again.

Curry Gelato - 25th/27th August, 9:20pm

I will be opening for Italian-Indian comedian Gurps Cheema. I’ll just be doing bad crowdwork, with very limited material, so this is one for Ben completists only (they don’t exist).

Doing Bits At The Three Sisters - 24th/26th August, 9:30pm

I will be doing some bits. At the Three Sisters. Photogenic stage.

Arguments - The Comedy Debate Show - 23rd/27th August, 1:30pm

Another experimental format from Donal Vaughan. Ages 12+ so I won’t be saying ‘cunt’ that much.

Recommendations

Here are some Edinburgh shows I’ve seen that I think you’ll enjoy.

Quitting Comedy - 23rd-27th August, 7:20pm at Legends Cowgate

The diminutive doe-eyed American comediette Caroline Hanes (who destroyed me at Roast Battle Edinburgh last year) co-stars with crimson-tressed minx Malia Simon in this play about how much it sucks to be a female stand-up and have to put up with being patronised and sexualised like I just did at the start of this sentence. They are both very good stand-ups and I strongly recommend this show, especially if you are a comedian. You get to see them do a bit of stand-up too.

AI Jesus - 22nd-27th August, 5pm at the Wee Room in Three Sisters

Peter Bazeley’s show that I did a couple of guest spots on. I’ve only seen the first half of this but it was brilliant. Apparently the guest for one performance was somebody who wandered past the room and told Peter he was a comedian. It turned out it was his first gig after ‘writing for 5 years’ and he proceeded to drop the N-bomb and the Hispanophobic S-slur. Lightning in a bottle.

I haven’t seen many shows to be honest.

Media recommendations

Strange Planet on Apple TV+ is a new Dan Harmon project based on some kind of twee web cartoon. The first episode was pretty good. I think you can watch it for free if you just log in, and you can probably sign up for a free trial and watch the whole thing then cancel.

Have you heard of an obscure art film called Oppenheimer? I thought it was good. Not enough of Richard Feynman’s antics and Jack Quaid’s portrayal doesn’t convey how funny he was. Here he is explaining the scientific method while killing the whole time:

If you’ve been thinking about buying a ticket, now is the time. It’s only £5 from https://camdenfringe.com/events/junk-mail-order-bride/

Doors are 6:15 and we’re going to start the show soon after 6:30, so get there in plenty of time so you can buy a pint. We’re on track to have the room at least half-full on both days, but who knows how many people have seen the posters and flyers and social media ads and are going to walk up on the day. Mark Silcox said he’d tweet about it too. So if you want to be sure you can get in, book online right away!

Here’s the description of the show we wrote months ago:

Tbh the premise is just an excuse for Helen K and I to do all our best stand-up bits in alternating 5-minute chunks. If you like my stuff you will like Helen. If you’re sick of my stuff then Helen will make a refreshing change.

Go and buy your ticket now and then I’ll give you some recommendations.

Recommendations

Did you buy your ticket?

Come on, I can track you with cookies and pixels and stuff and I know you haven’t.

I recommend you go to https://camdenfringe.com/events/junk-mail-order-bride/ right now and buy a ticket.

Buy one for your wife too. Even if you’re a woman. Women are allowed to have a wife nowadays!

And I’m sure you have a couple of friends/acquaintances who will probably come along. Why not buy 4 tickets now and then post about in the group chat? It’s only £5.

I promise I will never email you about this again.

Real recommendations

If you’re coming to the Sunday 6 August show then be sure to buy a ticket for Steph Aritone’s show Excelf-esteem at 5pm, just before ours. Steph is a Roast Battle finalist and is very funny, and I am looking forward to seeing her show. Also only £5!

Here is a striking image of Steph:

I am going to the Edinburgh Fringe for the second half. I’ll email you with full details of the shows I’m on at later, but if you’re going or are up there now, don’t miss The Prince Andrew Tate Appreciation Hour with Mark O’Keefe and Richy Sheehy. Look at their poster!

Stephen Soderbergh released a web series called COMMAND-Z which I have been enjoying. It’s about using a form of time travel to fix the dark post-climate change future. Great cast including Michael Cera and a cameo from Stavvy from Cum Town. You can only buy it through his site and all the proceeds go to charity, although weirdly not climate change charities.

I enjoyed the videogame Killer Frequency which is a serial killer mystery game where you are an 80s DJ who has to take over handling the 911 emergency calls for a small town. Great writing and atmosphere and the puzzles actually make sense. The best part is that if you get a puzzle wrong, someone gets murdered but you don’t lose the game, the story just continues. Three people died on my watch. Available for every console, PC and VR. I played it on Xbox but if you have one of those Oculus headsets I imagine it would be an amazing experience.

That’s it for now. Please buy a ticket for my show.

I’m doing the great Sunday Shtick show today (Sunday 23rd July) at 6:30pm - it’s at The Rose & Crown pub, 71-73 Torriano Ave, NW5 2SG. That’s near Kentish Town (don’t forget Kentish Town tube is closed but you can walk from Tufnell Park in like 10 minutes).

Come along if you’ve got nothing better to do. I’m supposed to bring someone with me so let me know if you’re coming (just reply to this email) and I’ll get you in for free and buy you a drink.

Sorry for the short notice in telling you about this, I got distracted by some pornography.

Also don’t forget that tickets are now on sale for my hour-long show Junk Mail Order Bride with Helen K, August 5th/6th as part of the Camden Fringe.

Here I am in falling love with Helen’s adorable dog:

And here I am at Roast Battle London last week battling Bilal Rashid, who was annoyingly good for a first-timer and beat me 2-1:

That’s all for now. Don’t forget to buy your tickets for Junk Mail Order Bride at https://camdenfringe.com/events/junk-mail-order-bride/

And I tell those people: You poor fools. Why would you want to see me for a mere five minutes, when you could buy a ticket for my Camden Fringe show Junk Mail Order Bride? Sure, you will have to wait until 6:30pm on the 5th or 6th of August to see it, but it’s an hour-long show with just a single other open mic act, Helen K, who is even funnier than I am. If you like my comedy, it’s a no-brainer to snap up a ticket now at this link.

Sure, I am going to update you with my upcoming gig dates and recommended media links in a minute, but we can’t proceed with that until after you’ve bought your ticket. They’re only £5, because that’s the minimum the Camden Fringe will allow us to charge. Buy a couple and bring a friend.

Have you bought your tickets yet? I’ll wait.

Marketing experts say you have to tell people to buy something an average of eight times before they’ll take action. I usually ignore them because they seem dumb and annoying, but I asked this list of 97 people to buy a ticket yesterday and so far, nada, so I’m just going to keep repeating myself until you all give in and the show is sold out.

How’s it been going, Ben?

Pretty good. I’m still doing stand-up, I’m afraid. I got to the final of the Backyard Comedy Knockout which means I’ve got a spot there in July. I was in the Big Rat Little Rat comedy panel show with Dave Hill and Nick Helm and Jen from The Priscillas, which took place in a gay sex dungeon.

Gig dates

Here are upcoming gig dates that you should know about:

Stand Edinburgh - Monday June 5th [tickets],

Stand Glasgow - Tuesday June 6th [tickets]

Stand Newcastle - Wednesday June 7th [tickets]

Anything Goes Dark Comedy Night, Hoxton - 5pm Sunday June 11th [tickets]

Secret Comedy BRIGHTON - 8pm Tuesday June 13th at Artista Cafe Gallery (note they have moved to a new bigger venue in Brighton Square) [tickets]

Cool-Aid Comedy BRIGHTON - 8pm Wednesday June 14th at the Caroline of Brunswick [tickets]

Diamond Comedy BRIGHTON - 7:30pm Thursday June 15th at The Actors [tickets] POSTPONED

Oops Comedy, Tooting - 7:30pm Monday June 19th, also Monday July 3rd - I need a bringer for this show, so forget everything I said before about Junk Mail Order Bride and open mics, you should come to this and tell me now that you are going to come (you can just reply to this email) [tickets]

Stand-Up Comedy Gameshow formerly known as Trigger Warning - 7:30pm Thursday June 22nd at Cherry Reds BIRMINGHAM [tickets]

Bulletproof Brewing PLYMOUTH - 7:30pm Thursday June 29th - shout out to my Plymouth fan!

Edinburgh Fringe:

I am going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe from August 14th to 29th, doing spots on various shows, including Donal Vaughan’s shows Adventures! Journey Through Dungeons & Dragons and Arguments! The Comedy Debate Show and probably a few roast battles (all dates TBD).

From the 23rd to the 26th, I’m going to be taking over Gurps Cheema’s show which is called Curry Gelato because he’s Indian-Italian. Not sure how I am going to get away with a blatant act of brutal colonialism without getting cancelled. Change of plans: this isn’t happening but I will be doing support on that show.

Recommended things and links (a link is also a thing, so this is bad writing)

• If you’re coming to see my Camden Fringe show on the 6th, why not see Steph Aritone’s show Excelf-Esteem that’s on before us at the same venue? But buy a ticket to our show first.

• Somebody made an AI that generates bizarre versions of the Simpsons ‘steamed hams’ scene. It was hilarious but it got taken down off Twitch for violating community policy or some bullshit, just like happened with the infinite Seinfeld generator. If you want a picture of the future, imagine an AI moderator’s boot stamping on any AI project that is truly original or creative - forever.

• Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is way better than you would expect given the history of films based on the IP - it’s funny, with inventive action scenes and character development and everything. It’s by the people who did Game Night which is also surprisingly good. You don’t need to know much about D&D to enjoy it, although it has a lot of in-jokes for people who are into that kind of thing too.

• Guardians of the Galaxy 3 is also very funny, dark and visually inventive. Probably the last good film Marvel will make, since they stupidly fired James Gunn for making jokes and he’s going to be with DC in future.

• Beau is Afraid is very funny in places. It’s definitely not what you’d expect from Ari Aster - it starts in a very heightened reality and goes completely surreal in a Lynchian way. It is 3 hours long and people were walking out of the cinema. Not sure if I would even recommend it but I will watch it again.

• Late to the party on this, but Uncle with Nick Helm is really good and is still on iPlayer.

• Hot Water Comedy Club put up the video of my set there last year! Please click ‘like’ on this so they think I have fans.

• Speaking of Lynchian, I still can’t believe this really happened:

  

It’s two nights only and a 50 seater venue, so you’re going to want to book right now at the Camden Fringe site.

The concept of the show is that Helen is my Russian mail order bride. I think it’s going to be pretty funny. I’m going to email you and pester you about it between now and the show (which is the first weekend of August) until we’ve sold all the tickets, so the sooner you buy a ticket, the sooner I’ll knock that shit off. Why not buy a couple of tickets and bring a friend? Why not bring your extended family?

Book now!